Joseph

Big kiss or 30 days in Limbo

That first big kiss is so important. That big impression you never get a second chance to repeat. I have learned to never ask, you just have to know when to take the plunge. There is no science to that moment, no signs, no amount of experience, just a gut feeling that it is now or never. Let’s just say that any ones gut can be wrong as many times as it has been right.

In the 1970’s I began my journey, a hungry boy looking for his first experience. A girl named Jo, two years older, with a short butch haircut, and willing . We took long walks in the Arizona desert suburbs, hand in hand. Looking for a place, any place to hide and make out. How many times have you seen teenagers faces locked in passion on car hoods, or patch of dry grass. Jo was different she wanted me……

Pause>>>>>

Fuck, what am I writing about, 3 days behind and this looks like unsustainable dribble. First Kiss baloney, what was I thinking. Well I thought that I would impress a group of woman with my introspection, my depth.. I just can’t keep this up one sentence at a time., sorry. It might be in there, in my brain and soul, but not one sentence at a time.

We, I mean I, pinned Jo to a dead tree in the middle of an abandoned construction site in Mesa Arizona. I remember that kiss only because as soon as I got that far I wanted to go to next base. I didn’t care that it was 90^ in the shade in the winter, and that we were standing in dirt up to our ankles.  The Lure of the undiscovered boob, breast, titty was so deeply in grained in my unconsous 13 year old teenage brain, (damb that was a long sentence).. I think we made out leaning on that tree three times before Jo let me touch her small perfect breasts.  It took many day of my advances being pushed aside. This has become a continuing story in my life, I have an overextended grope. Issue..   I am now a man fully grown and may never learn…this simple lesson.

So these sentences have become a confessional, more of a disconnected journal. I look at my life now, it’s all very different, but very much the same. The tables have been turned a bit, as many people grope me as I grope them. The stakes are higher, real feelings make you vulnerable.  Your Actions speak louder then words, your actions get you into trouble.

As this group of thoughts wind down, I realize that it is not easy to construct a complete thought one chunk at a time. Ideas are best completed in a burst of energy.  I loved these ideas I learned.  A big burst of big kisses, grand gropes.